I didn't sign up for this

I’m hearing this phrase a lot lately, “I didn’t sign up for this.” Have you been saying that in your own motherhood? Do you think that you didn’t sign up for being a NICU mom during a pandemic, or having to deal with toddlers that don’t understand the new normal of social distancing and are desiring outside attention from friends, cousins, and grandparents, or that you didn’t sign up to do homeschooling?

I too thought “I didn’t sign up for this” and it was causing me to feel frustrated, annoyed and at the effect of my life, like I didn’t have any control. Luckily, I quickly realized that this was a lie that my brain was telling me. Let me teach you how. Your brain doesn’t want you to put forth any extra effort. It likes to be extremely efficient. And all of what is happening in your motherhood right now is new and therefore is going to take a lot of effort. So it will lie to you in order to try to trick you into...

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December all year

The holidays are full of magic. The anticipation of the beloved Christmas morning, with thoughtful gifts under the beautifully decorated tree. The sight of houses and trees lit up with lights throughout the community. Holiday music with messages of joy, peace, and excitement fills our homes. I could go on and on with examples of holiday magic. But you are experiencing all of them now, so why am I am relaying this?

Because I want to bring to your awareness that none of those things just happen. You have to be the one that gets the lights up on the house. You have to be the one that decorates the Christmas tree and hangs the stockings. You have to be the one that turns on David Archuleta’s holiday Pandora channel. Think of the other 11 months of the year. They are not nearly as magical, but they could be. Take some time over the next week to ask yourself how you can make the other 11 months just as magical as December. Now, I’m not talking about planning decorations to put...

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How to be present for Christmas

As moms, we can be physically in the room with our children but not mentally and emotionally “in the room” at the same time. Next week is Christmas, and I don’t want you to miss out on that precious time with your kiddos, so today, I am going to discuss three emotions that, when not understood, block us from being present in our life.

The first emotion is feeling valued as a mother. So many of us, I too am recovering from this, think that we have increased value when we are accomplishing tasks. Think of what Christmas morning typically includes; picking up the wrapping paper after the family has torn into the gifts that were under the tree, a hot breakfast on the table, quickly getting the dishes cleaned, and making the final preparations to visit family members for the rest of the day. All the while, your family is sitting on the family room floor, playing with their Christmas gifts, and enjoying the morning together.

Now, I’m not suggesting that doing those...

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Unconditional love in motherhood

December is a time when many reflect on their life, on loved ones that are close to them, and things that they can do to create some holiday joy. I love this time of year and the refocusing that society seems to do because of it.
This holiday I believe that there is one gift that will create more joy than any material thing that you get for yourself or give to others. That gift is unconditional love.

Unconditional love is a topic that I think that a lot of people believe that they have for themselves and those around them. But, after I explain what I believe it means and backing that up with the truth of “the model” from my life coaching work, I’d challenge you to dig deep and be honest with yourself if you’re genuinely experiencing unconditional love for yourself and others.

Or maybe you already believe that you do not have unconditional love for yourself, but you don’t know how to develop it. I’ll cover how to create unconditional love for...

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Perfectionism is ruining your holidays

The table is set with the linens just right and the centerpiece is congruent with the holiday feel. The mashed potatoes have been double whipped and lots of butter has been added to them to create magic in your mouth. The turkey is oven-roasted to perfection and ready to be carved. Stuffing, from scratch, because out of the box doesn’t cut it, has the room filled with the aroma of baked bread and butter circling the room. Oh, and the rolls. Don’t forget the amazing rolls that are fluffy and golden brown on the top ready for some butter, can you tell we like butter in our house, and homemade raspberry jam to complete the ensemble. These, coupled with all the other fix’ns, are ready precisely at 12 o’clock, which is the time that you have told all your guests that dinner will be served. 

But then your brother calls and they are going to be 30 minutes late. After getting off the phone you realize that both the twins have just pooped through their diapers so...

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How to have a stress free holiday season

Last year, at the beginning of November, my husband and I sat down to talk about our holiday season. We reminisced about what we wished we could do that year with our little family. But our conversation took a quick turn when we started thinking about the “obligations,” verbal and nonverbal, that we felt from those around us. The hustle and bustle to get “it” all done, to fit “it” all in, and the energy in the room deflated. 

Luckily, we did not indulge in that non-helpful line of thinking very long. We gave ourselves permission to do the holidays however we wanted. We realized that it was a choice to feel obligated, or not. That we were making choices, intentionally or not, so we decided to live with intention during the holidays which brought a sense of excitement back into our conversation. 

With a clean slate, knowing that we didn’t have to do ANYTHING for the holidays, we started filling up our party schedule, family outings...

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Motherhood thoughts

Our lives are filled with them but most of the time we can’t distinguish between the two. Today I’m going to teach you the difference between a thought and a circumstance and how to use this knowledge in your life. Every situation in life, every story that you tell, has thoughts and circumstances but understanding the difference between the two is the difference between creating your life and living at the effect of it. This is a very important concept to understand because many times we, as moms, feel like life is happening to us. The best news that I can give you is that you can get back into the driver’s seat. You can be in charge of your motherhood with multiples.

So, what’s a circumstance? Circumstances are things in our life that are the facts. They are neutral, meaning they aren’t good or bad, therefore they don’t have any drama attached to them. Many times we don’t have any control over circumstances but sometimes we do. 

Here...

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Be your BFF

I LOVE ice cream. When I was newly married, sharing it was challenging, but a scarce budget required me to do so. My poor husband was constantly getting the short end of the spoon.

It’s hard for me to choose a favorite flavor, but if I had to, Twix mixed with vanilla ice cream would be my choice. Think about the kind of ice cream you love most and what makes it so delicious. If you’re not an ice cream fan, I love you just the same, turn your favorite dessert into an ice cream flavor.

At our house, one of our favorite desserts to create together is ice cream sundaes. My kids love getting a couple of scoops of ice cream and then sprinkle a variety of toppings and sauces on top. Each sundae comes out customized to that particular person’s preference.

I like to think of all the relationships that I have like an ice cream sundae. It is wonderful to have people around us that we can turn to; family members, friends, co-workers, and neighbors. I’m all for building...

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Wanting to be appreciated

As mothers, we do so much that goes unnoticed. The list is endless of the little, and big, tasks that seem to be brushed by as if it was never an issue in the first place or it just somehow magically happens each day. Can you relate? Well, this used to really tick me off.

I used to think thoughts like, “I wish you knew what goes on around here,” “you should spend a day in my shoes,” and “I do so much around here that no one even knows about.”

Yes, my husband would notice if I spend hours cleaning out the entire front flower bed of the overgrown weeds, dead headed the flowers, got all the unnecessary rocks out and fluffed up the dirt. Hours spent in the flower bed is a huge transformation, but everything else that got done on top of that huge amount of work, he just didn’t seem to notice.

But then came the realization. If what I wanted was to be appreciated, I could give that gift to myself. No one else had to notice and recognize all the...

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Come home sweetie

Why do you want your hubby to come home? From work, a business trip, an activity just for him or anywhere he might be without you?

In years past, I use to think thoughts like…

“6 o’clock can’t come any sooner.”

“It’s your turn to have the kids”

“I need a break.”

“I wish he knew what I go through everyday.”

“I never get to get away.”

“I’m always the mom.”

“I do so much around here.”

“I really wish he was here.”

These thoughts left me isolated, disconnected, resentful, and justified. So, when my husband would come home I was in this place of needing him to save me from my life. Even if it was just a little save most of the time, there was still a negative energy that I had about me.

Now, I didn’t understand the negative energy until just a couple months ago.  I received some coaching, from a fabulous colleague, that helped me see what was happening...

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Let's make motherhood easier

Motherhood is hard, but just surviving is optional. These 3 simple things will make motherhood with multiples way easier on yourself. We don't become mothers so that we can feel overwhelmed, stressed, and inadequate all of the time. Implement these 3 simple things and you will feel confident in your motherhood. You can lay your head down each night, feeling successful. Let me make motherhood easier on you, mama, so that you can THRIVE.